2019 had a great start. I was excited for the new year as I am for all new years. My husband and I celebrated 1 year of marriage and all of 2018 was great. Our godson was born April of 2018 and we traveled often. So 2019 had high hopes and I was excited. As we entered into the new year everything was great. I was working at one of my favorite jobs and my husband was successfully growing as an entrepreneur. If you didn't know, my husband is a professional chef and caterer with over 10 years of experience. So things were going great.
At the end of February we both decided we wanted something different in our lives. We wanted change, so we decided to pack our bags and spontaneously move to Charlotte, North Carolina. I was overly ecstatic and couldn't wait to leave Atlanta.
This is when life started to take place.
Moving to Charlotte, I really thought it was a new start. It smelled like a new start. New community of friends, a new church, new jobs but unfortunately God had a different plan for us. What I didn't know was that we were running away from problems in Atlanta looking for better elsewhere. Not realizing that Charlotte was only going to be a season of rehabilitation. My husband and I spent 6 months growing together and healing from past hurt. Life was looking different but we didn't no how to handle it. We were surrounded by voices that really wasn't uplifting in that moment. So we escaped looking for better.
Fortunately, we found God in Charlotte, and he fed us with everything we needed in that season. Moving to Charlotte, although a beautiful move it became a tough reality of understanding who we were as individuals and as a couple. Who we were to God individually and as a couple. Mentally I struggled a lot because I lost friendships. I went through a spell of understanding who I was as a friend and why I allowed for my feelings to get played with.
Although I went through a lot of pain with my feelings, I grew a lot in such a weird space.
Now this is how 2019 became dusty. By the end of July my husband and I decided we wanted to move back to Atlanta. As an entrepreneur my husband has goals that of course I wanted to accomplish in Charlotte but my husband was determined to accomplish them in Atlanta. I was not excited to move back to Atlanta because it became clear there were a lot of struggles I did not want to enter back in. A lot of my mental battles I left in Atlanta were waiting on me as I started to call Atlanta home again.
By the end of 2019 I've spent many lonely days in my room alone just thinking. I've cried and hurt in private because I wasn't expressing how I felt. Moving from Charlotte took a mental toll on me. I didn't want to move because I was happy. My husband and I were in a great position and I didn't want to leave that to move back to Atlanta. Since moving to Atlanta it brought upon a lot of uphills and down hills. Seems as though I had more down hills then uphills. So the anxiety I was feeling was overwhelming.
Fortunately I was able to find my problem. Every time I go through a rough season and I'm super emotional, it's because I'm not taking the time to grow in Christ. Also I realized I needed to talk to someone. Bottling my emotions is not healthy for me or anyone around me. So I started expressing my emotions more and because of that I have started my healing process. It took me all the way to the end of November to understand my triggers, but I'm learning them and I'm moving forward with working on me.
With all this being said, I'm excited for "THE YOU EFFECT" an online mental health community. Over on Twitter I follow a licensed therapist named Dr. Kelsei LeAnn. She posts amazing on time threads and when I saw she was offering a paid online community that would help me heal in different areas, I was all over it. She is offering, a book of the month, monthly/daily journal entries, a video lesson, and homework for the month. So far for the month of December I am overwhelmed with the journal entries because it's making me think. Digging deep on how I view myself. I'm ready for the stretching because it's time to heal. I also want to honor my husband for investing in my mental health. It's a great feeling knowing your husband wants the best for you.
What are you doing to better your mental health in 2020? I want you all to join in this journey with me. A journey of becoming whole as a woman. We are women first before we are wives, moms, leaders, and all these other positions we walk in. For some odd reason we overwhelm ourselves and forget to put ourselves first. So for me I'm learning to be more depended on God and putting myself first to become a better woman, wife to my husband, and soon mother to my future children. So cheers to a healthier mind!
